Bad Tooth

Like holding it in too long or staving off sleep, eventually my tooth stopped hurting. Every step sent a tiny sharp pain from the top to the bottom. Then to the gums and through the gums, then eventually I found myself sitting more. Did I really need to go to the store today? Did I really need to go to the bathroom? Nope. I'd hold it in too long.

Then eventually it stopped (pain has a way of doing this). But here's the thing. If it goes away on its own, if you don't address it full on, it's not really gone. It's still there even if you can't feel it, and believe me there will come a time when you feel it again. So it was with this old tooth. Sitting there and minding my own business and a dull roar starts somewhere inside. Can hardly eat or drink or move around. And I know what the doctor'll say, he'll say we have to get it out. And here I am, thinking maybe it'll all go away this time if I sit here and wait it out.

Disparity

She told me it was a boy even though I told her not to. It was her last great act of cruelty against me. Now I saw the future clearer than the morning air. I saw blue and baseball, suits and shaving, questions I'd forgot the answers to and words on girls a generation late. I saw myself and not myself, what I wanted him to be. And in that I saw what I wasn't. All the places I went wrong, all the ways is mucked it up. I saw her, as I saw her first. What I turned her into in my own mind, what was never there. I saw my own retaliation. And so she told me that it was a boy, so I could see him and myself, the great disparity between us, a past and future unlike any other.

Navigator

You are not evil. You are good. You do the best you can. Usually it turns out fine.

You are not alert. You are sluggish. You barely get by but the key is that you do get by.

You are not lonely. You are alone. Those are very different things.

You are not necessary. You are important. They, too, are different things.

You don't have money but you are not poor. Perhaps you loosen your purse strings a little too easily.

You should quit. You should start over. You shouldn't worry about it. You worry too much.

You think too much about your place. In your life, in others, in the world, and in the universe. There are events that have been set in motion and there is no avoiding them. Wherever you will be you are already there.

You will find out nearly everything when it is too late. Yet, somehow, you will make it out OK.

What are you?

Moments

I woke up to bacon, coffee. In walked Julie with a tray for for a king. She set it across my lap as I sat up on the couch.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Birthday breakfast in bed"

"Yeah, but..." I eyed around to remind her of my previous night's arrangements.

"The fight has nothing to do with this. It's your birthday and I love you. Eat your breakfast. Eat your bacon." And with that she left the house, left me to feed myself on meat and dough and fresh squeezed juice, surrounded by so many twisted moments of our love.

Palatine

I passed the trains at Union Station and wanted to see smoke. Trains don't smoke anymore, they are cold and calculated. I'd like to travel with my love across these plains trailing a thick black cloud of toxic smoke, smearing the earth and claiming it for ourselves. But for now I am to Palatine to see a judge, only stopping briefly at the station to wonder at what might have been had I been born inside a decade more of me. Nature versus nurture doesn't matter much when you consider we are all alone. And so why not travel by train, to take your time, to see the countryside, to hold hands. But for another day, another me. This one is off to Palatine. This one is off to plead his case. And let us hope this judge is one who enjoys a story.

Sure Thing

EXT. "L" TRAIN STATION

A BOY and a GIRL are walking on the sidewalk. Four young male KIDS pass in the opposite direction, making quiet but obvious comments to themselves about the appearance of GIRL.

KID 1

Man...!

BOY walks quickly and passes GIRL. He gets to the station, opens the door, sees that the girl is still behind him, and holds it for her.

GIRL

Thanks!

BOY

Sure thing.

BOY walks to a turnstile but sees GIRL behind him heading for the same one. He goes to the other turnstile. He doesn't want to slow her down.

GIRL pays and goes through. BOY tries to do the same but his card doesn't work. He tries again. It doesn't work. He tries again and this time it works.

GIRL

(waiting for him)

I was going to say!

BOY

Haha, thanks.

They wait. Do they wait? They walk up the stairs and cross each other. He goes north. She goes south.

Top Button

Leave the top button buttoned and the tie tied. Leave the belt on and keep it buckled. Keep the pants zippered shut. Keep the air conditioning off and open a window. Put on a sweater, put on a hat, put on an extra pair of socks. Wear an undershirt, shine your shoes. Carry a handkerchief and use it. Wear a watch, have a pen, take pride in your billfold. Have a good selection of jackets, a scarf, a hat. Don't let them see you shiver or sweat, always be comfortable, be steadfast, be the ship in the storm, be a beacon, be a leader, set an example, set the table, set goals. Set a course for knowledge and the unknown, for rest and relaxation. Realize this is all you have and it isn't much but it is tremendous. Be better.