Cattle Judging

I felt like mooing, and I almost did, just to see what would happen. It's why they call it that, you know, it's the way it makes you feel, lined up in the hall like that. Dozens upon dozens of versions of the same few guys: average right-around-six-footer; late 20s, early 30s; hair messy and hair tight; sweater and shirt, shirt and tie, shirt and blazer, shirt with nothing; the occasional beach-bound bum with flip-flops. our future boiled down to two minutes and everything true and untrue you can cram on eight by ten inches. The future of the next few weeks, the next few months, the rest of ever. Two minutes, one picture, one long list.

"Hello! I'm Gregor." Nice to meet you, nice to meet you, what do you have for us today, today I am Hamlet. I quickly looked down to drop my smile and then up again with a sneer. "To be or not to be..."

My three deciders passed my face back and forth, scribbling their little notes. Damn little notes. How I hate little notes. I snuck looks when I could. The two gentlemen looked regular enough; one had glasses, one had a beard, these were guys that you knew. But the woman, well, one of these things was not like the other. Some R. Crumb nightmare, a deep sea fish and clown crossbreed dressed in an '80s pantsuit, she reminded my of my high school vice principal whom I truly and vehemently hated. She became my favorite person in the world, however, when she said, "Thank you, Gregor, that was great."

"Thank you!" Four heads nodded in silence, then slowly stopped.

"Do you have something else?"

"Oh, sure. Would you prefer something classical or—?"

"We asked for one classical and one contemporary."

"Yeah, yeah, of course, of course, you got it!"

I threw my Mamet at them and became more accepting, gracious, a fan of, even, those blasted scribbles and notes. They were my little illegible friends. I got my final "Thank you," hiding my snickering in my smile as the sounds of flip flop flip flop marched with undeserved confidence into the room as I left. The fool had no idea what he was doing. He didn't even know he was a fool.