And it's true that tonight the sum of my decisions are worse than the parts. That I feel worse together than I ever possibly could alone. I wait stretched across the couch staring at the slatted window-light, the outside always begging itself to be let in. Soon enough I'll have done that on my own.
My toenails are long, my hair is dirty, my stomach makes sounds only found in nature. There are men who live like this every day. They wake up and feel the same, they wonder why nothing's changed. Me, I wonder why nothing's changed after spending eighty hours trying to do the opposite. Now a little time to myself and this is what I get.
Tomorrow I could do something different. But if living in the past is ill-advised than living in the future is inconceivable. I can only see tske what comes to me with what little grace and maturity I've managed to cling to. And I have tried, I have, I am, and I still will. But it's greater than me, than all these parts I call my own. Do I want what I have? It doesn't matter. I have it now.
No comments:
Post a Comment