A Genuine Pooch

I was filtering through online photographs of actresses. I am looking for actresses to put in a picture I'm making, but that's neither here nor there. It serves mostly as a way of letting you know that it was part of my job, the filtering and looking and going through, that I had good reason and wasn't just doing it for the sake of doing it, or because I'm lonely or what have you. I'm producing a picture and I'm in need of talent. I'm looking for something a little special this time.

Anyway, to pick back up, I was looking through the agency's online site, through their rows and rows of talented women young and old, and all of a sudden I see a dog. Not an ugly woman mind you (although I saw those, too, or women with character I should say). No, I mean an honest-to-goodness canine, a Rex (or Molly, as the case was), a genuine pooch. Just there, amongst the women, stuck in a pile of human beings. It seemed at once pretty funny and not quite right. There was a joke in there somewhere but I'm too much of a gentleman to search it out.

So I thought the next day—the time at which I was perusing being after hours—I would give them a ring and ask more about this Molly creature.

"Hello, Elite Models and Talent."

"Hello, yeah, this is Rudolph Gaffer. I'm a producer working on a picture and you have a dog?"

There was a silence. "Excuse me?"

"A dog, Molly, that you represent? I was looking through the women on your site and there was a dog in there."

"Oh," said the nice young lady at the other end, "that's the owner's dog."

"Well, does it book work? Why's it on there?"

"It's booked a few things, Mr. uh..."

I do not like repeating my name, I said it once, it's not that common, should be easy to remember. "Listen how do you feel about sticking a dog in there amongst the actors? Amongst the women no less."

"Molly's a girl dog, so—"

"That shouldn't matter," is what I said to her and it really shouldn't. "If it books, OK then, put her up. If it's just there to make me laugh, OK, fine, it did that. But it's strange. Just having one dog on there."

"Sir, unless you'd like me to direct your call..." And she just kind of trailed off like that. I guess she didn't want to tell me that she was planning on hanging up on me. I guess she was sweet like that.

"No, no, no, that's fine, I just have one more question, think you can help me?"

A stressful "I'll try."

"You sound like a sweet girl, I'm guessing you do a little bit of acting yourself?"

"Um, yes...?"

"You ever been in an adult film?"

Click. Hey, we all gotta make a living. You, me, dogs, everybody.