One Night in Hollywood

"Put everything out on the lawn, including the wife. Go inside and have a nice long cry."

"Are milk and cookies a viable dinner option at 11:30? Good, because it's happening."

"You can always think of a reason to poison somebody. But a justifiable reason? Probably not."

"I snorted lines of fire in a canoe."

"When I burp it tastes like California."

"I have no appetite at all. Ice, pepper, and mustard."

"I love you dude, you're my bro, but I had to fuck your girlfriend."

"I'm sure of a lot of things but there's one thing I know—I know nothing."

"Not enough things are real."

"I used to feel so misunderstood until I saw iPod commercials."

"Everyone's the same height on a bed."

"Who you talking to? Who you talking to now? Oh, slippery slope..."

"We only go to church because my grandma thinks so."

"Not a big deal, Neal. Ugh, Neal, I hate him."

"That'll getcha far in the black market."

"I hope I like drinking this much tomorrow."

"You look at him the way I look at you. And I know the way I look at you."

"But you read. I mean I'm not talking to an idiot."

"They're ants! They have bird brains!"

"Four isn't that much under than five."

"This guy's a heffalump."

"No, when you love someone you can't get hard for anyone else. At least that's what it's like for me."

"He's doing all right. Doing the same thing everyone else is doing I guess."

"Get your icy hand off me."

"We're all unhappy. We're alive aren't we?"