Bowl of Bullshit Green

I can't even eat this bullshit kale salad without dropping my fork on the ground. Just a bowl of bullshit green, kale and spinach and peas and broccoli and broken dreams and hardly any tomato because I waited too long and it got moldy. Shouldn't known better, I mean the only thing you can do with vegetables is eat them as quick as you can. Course in doing so you might end up with a dusty hairy fork, which is a situation I got on my hands right now. My body loathes this stuff so much it even rejects the utensils. That was my one clean fork.

So I guess what I gotta do is wash it off. Wash it off and down this stuff down the hatch. Down the hatch, drop a few pounds, get out the old gym shoes. Guess maybe I should get some new gym shoes. Guess maybe I should see if there's a gym in the area first. Guess I could stand to sweat a few beers out, the odd cheeseburger here and there, the entire Jack's pizzas. But it's so easy to eat an entire one of those things and really, if we're being honest with ourselves, which is an important thing nowadays to be, a whole one of those things is, like, two pieces of real pizza. Three tops. And that's a normal serving of pizza for most people, two to three pieces, and I've eaten and I've seen people eat way more than that so if I eat a single Jack's frozen pizza in one sitting then it's really not that big of a deal.

I still gotta clean this fork. Just gotta wash to the sink, and walk the fork.

What I mind is the chewing, you know? It's the constant chewing. It's insane and it is constant. This is the kale I'm talking about in specific regards to. Kale just well it just never ends now does it, it's the neverending kale. Raw and tough and full of fiber for some reason. And the chew chew chewing it takes to just down a mouthful of the stuff well you're burning twice the calories at this point, which I guess is the general idea. But what I wouldn't give for a nice toasted bagel smothered in cream cheese and brown sugar right about now. Doesn't that sound good? Maybe if I eat all this forest before me I can treat myself to a little snagel for dessert only I just realized I don't even have all the ingredients.

It's things like that though, sink and beds and lights and the outside and places that seem so much farther away than they actually are in actuality when you just don't want to do it when it's the last thing on earth that you want to be doing right now. An inch becomes a foot becomes a mile becomes it might as well be on the bullshit moon, you'd have to get a spacesuit and strap yourself into a rocketship and blast yourself into the stratosphere or whatever sphere it is they keep the moon in from Cape Canaveral or wherever it is they do these things nowadays. Only they don't really do them nowadays do they because apparently we've learned all there is to learn about the infinite no we've got to pay our terrible athletes millions of dollars to do their jobs poorly and beat their wives.

That's what we called a toasted bagel with cream cheese and brown sugar in college, a snagel.

But I guess I gotta look at the big picture I actually gotta look at the forest instead of the trees whatever the phrase is. Ha I got a bowl of forest right here and I can't even look at it how am I supposed to look at the real thing? The real thing being of course a metaphorical thing as it were. But how am I supposed to look at that? When I'm still clutching this filthy pronged thing waxing on and off about my college snacks of yore? I'll tell you what I'm scared I'm going to walk right into that kitchen with that fork and do something drastic like I'm gonna take that fork I'm just gonna take that fork in there and turn the oven on and go get a Jack's. I mean it, I am not kidding around here, I'm too hungry to think that anything's funny anymore.

I don't know maybe I'm making mountains here. Maybe I enjoy feeling sorry for myself I don't know. You look in terms of the world today and what people have and what they don't have and I guess you could say that I got a lot. Or at least a lot to be thankful for. I'm able to go out and buy these vegetables without hesitation. Well I mean there was extreme hesitation, but only because I put it there. Most of these problems, I put them there didn't I? Most of these problems, we just lay them out before us. Don't we.