In the Air

We never lived together before we got married. People, people nowadays at least, say that's a bad idea. It worked out OK for us. We didn't really have much choice though, so I guess there's that.

I knew most everything there was to know about him. But still, I knew there would be a few new things, a few things he only does around the house. It's to be expected. And I knew I'd have them too and he'd have to deal with that. Marriage. Whatever, nothing all that new.

He doesn't change his clothes that much. I pretty much knew that already. He'd wear a shirt, and then wear it again the next day, because that's the shirt he wanted to wear. He'd leave the toilet lid up, I guess he only closed it when he was staying at my place. It's there for a reason. You think they added a lid to the thing just for fun? To run up costs? He'll still cut more financial corners than I think we need to, even though we've both got good-paying jobs. I don't know what's he's scrimping for. Just to scrimp maybe.

I was late. Only about a few weeks after we got married. We'd had scares before, but now it was something completely different. Now we were husband and wife. Now it was something that could actually happen. It was something we wanted to happen, but it could happen now. But I told him no. No, I didn't want it. I wouldn't keep it. If that's what this was, I would not keep it. And I don't know if he was upset at the not keeping, or the fact that I said "I" and not "we." But that was something about me he learned.

All that stuff of his, I would learn it at some point. It's just what happens. But what he learned about me, that was just a fluke. There was no guarantee that we'd ever have that conversation. And a few days later I had it, but those words were already out there, living in the air of our brand new house, going in and out every time we opened our mouths to talk about anything. And when I brought up actually trying, for real this time, and he said, "You sure you'll keep it," it was the most horrible thing I've ever heard, ever felt. But I couldn't say anything. He was still so crushed.