Halfway

She doesn't want me. That's fine. We can get along without that OK I guess. But she ignores it. What I said. Wants to pretend like it didn't happen. That's where I draw the line.

She wants to go back to how things were. I changed that, did a thing can't be undone. The point of doing it was to get out of where we were. And even if we can't go forward to where I want, we don't have to go back.

Why should she be comfortable? Why can't she meet me halfway? I never claimed to be a bigger man, a decent man. I am decent though, I'm different. I'm in pain and she can't feel any of it? Maybe this is the worst part of me talking. I can live with that.

I call her up. Leave messages. I'm making it worse. I can get through to her. All I need is time. We need time. There aren't enough hours, or days, there isn't enough air. I feel like I have half the muscles in my body, overexposed and under-appreciated. I sound like someone right before they do something terrible.

I don't. I get a drink. I sit. I read. I think about her. I go out with friends. They ask me if I'm lonely. I'm learning.