Somewhere in There

She walks in smiling. Pants with a sheen, cool sweater, lacy top. She's got a smile on. Smiling like she just saw something nice, just heard something amusing. She sits down with her kettle and cup, take a book out of her bag. Tea and reading, reading and tea. Time to time she smiles, but not at the words. She'll pause, look to the side, smile to herself. Maybe it is the words. The smile, it just doesn't leave. Not a hair out of place. Even her eyebrows say something.

I'm working, I'm writing, trying to concentrate, trying to focus on what I'm producing. But I can't help but feel like her eyes come my way. They don't stay there, but they travel every now and then. Or do they? There must be a word for the moment when your eyes and a stranger's meet. When you happen to look up at the exact same time. Something smaller than fate, but bigger than circumstance. Somewhere in there it lies.

She puts headphones on. I have the same ones. Not with me, of course, or that could be a way in. But there's no way in with this kind of thing, not in a place like this. All you have to do is change the beverage and suddenly the rules are different. I'm not even sure which rules there are, but I know that there are rules. I make my own and I abide by them. I don't want to end up in some news article.

I can't concentrate. She's got her stories, her music, her Earl Grey, what have you. She's content, I can tell, she hasn't dropped that smile yet. She doesn't need me leering, forcing myself on her, leaving her surrounded in this place to seep in embarrassment.

I pack. I get up. I put my jacket on. She takes her headphones off. Did she just look my way? Was that for me? So her ears would be unobstructed? To ease the pain of conversation? One less obstacle to hurdle? No. That's wishful thinking, that's crazy thinking, that's not the way the world works. That's never the way the world works. Not in any way that's real.

I walk by her to the bathroom. I say nothing. I wash my face and dry my hands. Biding my time. I walk out of the bathroom. One more chance. I walk by her again and out the door. It's freezing.