Behind the Heart

I was a good boy. Always a good boy, always doing what I was told and going to bed on time. I didn't sneak out, I didn't talk back, when my friends offered me booze or drugs I said no thank you. I got good grades, I mowed the lawn, I volunteered one summer at a nursing home before the pain got to be too much. I was exactly what you'd want a good boy to be.

So now it's my rebellious phase. Everyone has one, no matter how small, and mine is now. But the phase of a thirty-year-old is different from that of a boy of fifteen. I'm not skipping classes, I'm skipping work. I don't get drunk, I dive into week-long stupors. I don't break a girl's heart for no reason, I go behind that heart and fuck the girl at the bar. They are versions of things I should have done long ago. And they are sad, they are sick. But it is the only way I can get them done.