Private Sounds

She says I'm weird. She locks the door to the bathroom. I didn't even know our bathroom door had a lock. She laughs. She laughs because she thinks it's normal. Because she thinks it's what she's supposed to do. I tell her to come out and she keeps laughing. Who would need to lock a bathroom anyway?

I get water and go back to the bedroom. I look at my four attempts peeled off and rotting on the floor. I smell the stale stench of latex and failure. It's all in my head, including myself. I pick it all up. I kick the clothes and socks. I hate socks.

The water is gone quickly. I get overheated easily. I'm a hot body, we both are. We can't sleep next to each other without waking up all the time. We have to throw the covers off. Looking at the bed you'd think it was passion, but it's just discomfort.

She said I shouldn't worry about it but I wanted to fight. I was mad and I wanted her to get mad with me. We have to fight at some point. But she just laughs, locks herself away. You can hear everything that goes on in that bathroom, every private sound. I'm still, listening, but all I hear is that laughter, quietly and to herself. I can feel her head shaking. I've let her down, but in what way I don't know.

I turn the thermostat down. I get into bed and take the side by the wall. She'll come back eventually and she'll feel bad if she wakes me up climbing over me. We wake up so much already. This is her pillow, it smells like her hair. She faces the wall when she sleeps. Does she face it when I'm not around?

The shower turns on. She's cooling off. I'm cooling off, too.