The Great Wall

You ever been to China? Yeah. Well, I've been to China. Beijing. First off, let me just say how straight to holy hell the place is going. Smog, ugh, the smog, you could see it draped over the city flying in. Covered, just covered. But anyway, I decided while there, on business, that I should climb the Wall. Ya know, the Great Wall. Ya know it's the, uh, the only manmade, uh... structure—no—wonder! No, structure, maybe... Anyway, it's the only one of those that can be seen from space. Or it used to be, there's probably more now. And let me tell you they are not kidding. I mean these Chinese were not messing around. The thing is... big. And I mean biiiiiiig. A colossal fucking failure, but big. So, I get there, and I'm climbing. Or walking, I'm walking up the steps and let me tell you, no StairMaster could prepare you for these babies. 'Cause it was built with no way to, there's no, uh, ya know, keeping things the same—uniformity! There's no uniformity to these babies. Some's are a foot, some's four inches. Your legs can't get used to anything! It's like the weather here, the miserable winters and the miserable summers and our blood doesn't know what's what. But anyway, after a while, going to the top, I start getting pretty sweaty. I'm mean I'm pretty fucking gross. And I have to take this series of breaks to catch my breath and whatnot. And I notice all these Chinese guys passing me by. Old guys, old Chinese men. And I further notice that they are all wearing suits. Suits. With dress shoes. And they aren't stopping. They aren't even slowing down. They just keep going. And any pain they're feeling, they're feeling alone. Gotta hand it to 'em. I don't know if it's the genes or scared into 'em by the Red Army when they're kids or what, but they do not falter. I'll tell you, they do not blink a muscle. We could all learn a thing or two from them.